Well now. I'm back. Have you missed me? [ofcourseyouhave]
I have not blogged or posted in the CyberDayze Facebook Pages for, gee, over a week, now, I do believe it's been.
Because. 'The Words' took 'Their' customary leave of absence from me-leaving me high and dry for post ideas due to 'Their' unruly departure. And then. Presto! Suddenly, 'They' are back, once again, supplying me a plethora of topic ideas. What was once a question of 'What do I post/blog/tweet today?' Quickly becomes 'What idea should I, in fact, choose to use, from five or more brilliant ideas I-in a blink of an eye -miraculuosly-had to choose amongst?[howdo'They'DOthat???]
So. With that said, I will continue.
Now. I know I have told you about my Incognito Intangible Friend, known only as 'C'. Remember? Our odd relationship began a year ago, when he mysteriously just appeared in my email inbox, asking-of all things-'What color are your toenails painted?' And so it went with 'C'.
And then. Last November he emailed and said, 'I often wonder why, during the course of our relationship, I have never seduced you?' Well now. That took me aback. But. I was more than rather intrigued. His ending statement was that he had recently become more active in Tangible and found himself preditorial in nature. So he thinks that-actually-he is protecting me. From him. Now-who the hell is he to decide my fate concerning Tangible relations with him? I'm a Big Girl and have been making logical and informed decisions concerning my intimate activity for quite a long time, now, thankyouverymuch . Truth. But, viewed in another way, his statement is almost, well, Noble. A Prince gone awry, protects his Princess-at ALL costs. Even when it is he who suffers because of that Noble deed. How romantic, right?
So. Today I was tooling around in my email 'Sent' folder and found an email that I had written to him. But-for some odd reason for which I have no answer-it was sent-to me. I don't even remember writing it (which is most usually the case in 'Draft' and 'Sent' folders of mine) much less WHY would I send it to myself? I'll never know, so no use pondering that one. But. I read it. And read it again. And again. And then decided to...send it to him. 'The Words' were ACTUALLY going to win 'the battle of 'Send'? Heavens! I SWEAR I heard 'Them' high-fiving it in the deep recesses of this whacky brain of mine. There. Done. Gone. Sent. And I absolutely expect NO reply from him whatsoever. No need to set myself up for most certain disappointment, right? After all-he has been gone for seven long months now. He ISN'T coming back. Face it. Acknowledge it. And move on, I tell myself.
But-oh-how I miss him! It truly makes me sad. I often find myself awake in bed at night, wondering-what is he doing right this moment? And. Where IS HE??? And. Why did he abandon me in such a cruel and unusual fashion? And. I find myself lying there, in the dark, missing him. And feeling a profound sense of sadness. [sigh]
Snap out of it, Gina. Done. Gone. Over. Move on.
At any rate, I decided that my email to him would be 'Thee Chosen' post/blog/tweet Of The Day. I hope you enjoy it. And. Prepare yourself: it is, by far, hands down, the lengthiest post I have made to date. And you know yourself-firsthand-that I am very well known for my longwindedness. What can I say? It's the truth, after all. It's those pesky 'Words' I tell ya-not I!!! I am merely the messenger. Remember? [smiles]
I don't know if Facebook has a maximum character limit like Twitter does-one hundred forty five measly characters-yeah, right? Hell, one of my SENTENCES easily exceeds that! And. Thus why I HATE Twitter!!!!! [butitsanecessaryevil]
Well. Here goes. We will soon find out if Facebook has a character limit. And. If in fact it does, I promise that I will retrieve the truncated portion of the post and continue it on in a new post. Fair enough?
Good.
To: C
Subject: Those Fucking 'Words'
...Are Getting 'Their' Way-damnit.
You asked long ago for me to name a song that depicted my thoughts.
The tune has changed. Because. I am mad at you. The link follows at the end of this magnum opus that 'The Words' have so deleteriously composed as 'They' enter, once again, into my subconscious. [thosepeskyWords...]
Read on and learn more about my 'psychological mayhem' that you say you share in common with me...
But, first-Did it ever dawn on you that we may 'cancel each other out' in our emotional pandemonium? Because I still grasp on to some iota of hope that there IS somebody out there who can remotely understand me. And I him. Maybe then Tangible would be more tolerable. Might be even -preferable? I hate to give up hope. Hence, this writing.
But. You are too afraid to give it a try. So you said. In so many words. You also shared a conversation you had with an AM [Ashley Madison] woman-maybe you have found someone whom has brought about joy in your life. I do not know exactly why you made me privy to that message, but if it did indeed lead to something more substantial, then I am happy for you. And-didn't I use the word 'jealous'? Of course I did. Twofold, actually-somebody else shares a bond with you and damnitalltohellalready that I have not been successful in finding a suitable mate for myself.
[sigh]
So. You abandon me with your last November email stating that you were afraid that you may fall in love with the 'psychological mayhem that drives you'. Well penned. And. Spot on, by the way. Did it ever enter your mind that it might turn you on? I could supply specific details right here, but I, instead, will leave you pondering.
I am completely vexed with your seemingly diaphanous elucidation of ?fact? in that final email to me-followed by penned abandonment altogether. Rather, I believe that something runs deeper than that of you 'protecting me from you'. Because-I truly believe that I enter your mind from time to time.
Maybe more than you care to admit to? Or. I could be way off base. But. Something in reading your odd, interesting, off-the-wall emails you sent me, unprovoked by me in any way-makes me think differently. Although you 'found' me in Ashley Madison, though we never spoke there, I get the feeling that you are craving something much more than an affair or sexting chats. [which I, by the way, am extremely talented in creation of such tales. I learned that tidbit of information about myself on that site. You should read CyberDayze: Erotica...two short stories, 'The Visitor' and 'The Mall'. I may have already told you about them, but they are worth another shoutout].
I digress. 'The Words' just love to do that. We are fighting for control. 'They' will win out in approximately one or two more days or so. There. A snapshot into this brain of mine. My 'battle' with 'The Words' has gone on for as long as I can remember. When 'They' take full reign in a day or two, I will be up for thirty six straight hours, typing 'Their words. 'They' wrote CyberDayze-a 450 page, 98,500 word document-in two weeks. So I was told. Because I have no recollection of it's writing whatsoever.
GG. 'They' digressed-again. 'They' LOVE the spotlight. I prefer the anonymity of the www. I learned long ago that I am merely 'Their' messenger. [sigh]
Well now. Let me ask you this:
Don't you 'get it'? I am contemplating allowing Intangible and Tangible to collide. With you. And-believe me-I have had countless opportunities with others to do as such. But. Nobody, except one other-has led me to that rumination before. Well-in all honesty-I have met and traveled with two suitors thus far. One treated me to five days in Vegas, two days in Branson Missouri, two days in San Antonio, the Cotton Bowl in Dallas, two days in Chicago, a visit to the Green Bay Packer's Lambeau stadium with their hall of fame exhibit, a decent amount of stops in west coast Michigan tourist towns [where he resides], three days in DC for the Presidential Inauguration and next month a week in Phoenix for Spring Training games and more site seeing. I guess, like you had met your 'sugar baby,' I think you termed it, I have met my 'Sugar Daddy'. "Pouty. Self centered. Demanding. And still you come back for more..." I post in many of my profiles. And. It's true. He keeps coming back for more. I, however, am far from being a gold digger. So don't get me wrong. The other gentleman flew me to his hometown of New Orleans for a weekend. But he was definitely married and I don't do 'second best' well.
Why do I tell you about my jetsetting? To make it clear to you: I DO have redeeming qualities despite my unending malady of this fucking brain of mine continuously torturing me. CyberDayze explains both my mental drama and my addictive personality traits-with the latter resulting in the premise of the book itself. Which-you have not read. [shameonyou]
Let this be known: Neither of those men [and a startling VAST many others] can fill the shoes in handling-much less understanding- my psychological anarchism. I leave them in the dust with my mental drama. "Pouty. Self centered. Demanding. And still you come back for more...And. It's true. And, god, I can be a lot of fun. My first husband said, often, "You are a total enigma." That, I am.
So. Why don't you ABANDON your fears and do the unthinkable? What do we have to lose? It also would be an out-of-state relationship since I no longer reside in Michigan. And I think that aspect keeps a relationship hot. What a turn on.
I need you. I WANT your Words. I want to experience someone-somebody-who can remotely comprehend my 'psychological mayhem that drives me'. And share back his in kind. Someone that is the partner, the best friend, the soul mate, the confider, the confidant, the lover, the man I seek so desperately.
And. It seems-You are just that. I don't know why.
And then-write a book about it? "CyberDayze: Lovers' Mayhem". CyberDayze LLC is a legal entity. I have plans for it-and acquiring someone with the likes of your writing mastery, in my opinion, would quickly make CyberDayze a household name. I can't explain it, but I've had this 'feeling' about it ever since it's name entered my brainwaves two years ago.
But. I am fully preparing myself for no response from you whatsoever. Such a shame-and painful shock-that would be. Because I believe we have more in common Tangibly than we may realize-or can even begin to fathom. And we have already demonstrated commonality in Intangible.
I blogged about you a few days ago. I haven't posted anything since. Because- I am in SUCH a tumultuous state of mind-concerning-YOU. I CRAVE to see your words. I ACHE to read your words. You have no idea how almost impossible it is to come across one such as you. And-believe me-I have been through the WorldWideWeb and back countless times name dropping CyberDayze. Not many of you exist.
So. 'The Words' have had 'Their' way in this writing. Now it goes to the next step: 'The Battle Of Send'. I most always win this one and 'Their' Words are forever banished to 'The Words Cemetery'- commonly known as the Draft Folder in email accounts. I avoid reading those at all cost-because sometimes I just can't believe, "I wrote THAT?"[damnIamgoodusuallypopsintomybrain]. But, most of the time, 'The Words' share too much information, thus I have the final say in 'send'...To 'Their' dismay. But. This one- 'They' will most likely win; because I find myself wondering about you often enough.
Of course, there is always that slight possibility that you are an 'Intangible Player'-I got 'involved' with one person who wrote me to that intellectual level and degree that I perpetually yearn-and never get. [youexcluded-hencethiswriting]. This 'man' 'Played Me Intangibly'-with his words. Words I search for high and low throughout the WorldWideWeb and am never able to find. I caught on to his charade fairly quickly and 'Played' him back with a SCATHING blog about his 'Intangible Escapades' and posted it in over two dozen blog sites, two Twitter accounts and four Facebook pages. [facebook.com/CyberDayze/ is one of four Facebook Pages-incaseyouarenotaPlayeraswell]. My favorite site I posted in is named 'AllWomenStalk'. Love it. And I most graciously emailed him a copy of the entire blog. ['instantKarmasgonnagetyou'Icouldnthelpthinking]
I am instructing 'The Words' to shut up now. 'They' can go on and on, you see. That's the Battle 'They' usually win, when 'They' are around.
Now the next step is for me to read, reread, read again and again, before I banish to drafts forever, or allow 'Them' that seldom hit 'Send' key opportunity. But 'The Words' have something in 'Their' favor in this particular work of 'Theirs': I think of you and your last email frequently-like none others I have received from many men who mysteriously find their way to my email inboxes-CyberDayze@gmail, CyberDayze@yahoo and CyberDayze@AOL. All daft galoots, every one of them. But. Not you. And one other. [butIsuspectheismarrieddamnit]. Incidentally, I plan to write a book about my very odd 'journey' promoting CyberDayze in the WorldWideWeb. It's been a real trip, I can tell you that. And. I got everyone's permission to use their words. Who knows-you might be an upcoming rock star. Your words are extremely rare and DESIREDWANTEDNEEDED-by ME.
I hope you at least have the common decency to address this correspondence-good or bad-to ease my mind and allow me to move on. Or, pray tell, would it be asking too much for you to just drop in and say 'hi' every once in a while, like you used to do? Why did you stop? Something I said in my return correspondence concerning your last email I suspect was the culprit. I can say that 'The Words' had a big hand in that one, although I told you 'They' did not. Anyway, you cannot have even the slightest idea how much I yearn for lengthy, meaningful cyber chats that I had with someone. Once. I loved that correspondence like nothing other. CyberDayze. Explains all.
But. I hope deep down that you will heed one of my blog site intros: "CyberDayze-When your Intangible-cyber life and 'Tangible-real life-collide..." Please give some serious thought to what 'The Words' have just shared with you. And I am dead serious about my plans for CyberDayze. I have discovered that it is already more than a one-man job. I am in the www eleven to sometimes thirteen hours each day, promoting CyberDayze. I wish I could share some of the incredible comments I have had about it, pre-launch, from Twitter followers. I think I'll pop one in for you. After all, what's a couple of more words after the likes of this email, right? I warned you about 'The Words'. 'They ALWAYS get 'Their' way when 'They' are around. Well-except S-E-N-D. I might even write a novella using those banished emails that never saw the light of day.
